Life happens. People hurt us and somehow life has to go on. At time passes by, healing comes in and the pain does not sting as much. Otherwise, a person may have to learn how to live with the pain and handle the triggers.
Loving someone with relationship trauma doesn’t have to be hard. Once you notice someone you love is holding back or gets agitated about a topic, do not be quick to judge. With a little understanding, you can build a healthy relationship with your significant other who has been through a rough patch in their relationship journey.
Here are a few tips on how to love someone who has relationship trauma.
Be gentle and patient
Not to say that someone with relationship trauma is a bomb about to explode, but you need to be gentle. Perhaps they are not ready to open up about something that triggered them. There is nothing for you to fix.
Let them know that you love them and you will be there whenever they are ready to open up. Don’t be in a hurry to be the hero. Them knowing you care is enough, and if they don’t want to talk about it, let it go as long as it’s not affecting your relationship.
Listen
Everyone deserves to be heard. When you love someone, you want them to be okay, and listening is a good thing. Create time and listen to the person you love and do not judge.
The person finally feels safe and is ready to talk about an issue that triggers them. The best thing you can do is listen and you do not have to give advice at the end of it. Simply saying ‘am sorry for what happened to you’ is enough to offer comfort.
Move at their pace
If you genuinely love someone, you will not force them to do something they are not ready for. Move at their pace, be patient, and watch the person you treasure slowly welcome you in once they feel safe.
Putting pressure on someone who is not ready for the next step in a relationship can make them resent you. If you really love them, then you do not mind waiting.
Don’t use what they tell you against them
Trauma changes people and when someone feels safe enough to open up to you, the best thing you can do is respect their experience and not use it against them; don’t spread the information to other people either.
Do not use their trauma experience when arguing and don’t gaslight them either. A mature human being knows that they should treat someone the way they would wish to be treated; decency is just it.
Relationship traumas can have a long-term effect on someone. For some, they heal and move on, while for others they learn to live with the pain. That means one trigger can make someone recall the entire traumatic experience all over again. If you are dating someone with relationship trauma, be kind, listen, move at their pace, and don’t use what they confide in you against them.
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