When we hear the phrase domestic violence, most of the time
we think of the terms battering, assault, and the like. Of cause when a partner
hits the other, there is a lot of emotional abuse as well. The physical bruises
may heal and fade but the psychological scars never heal. You know the saying
‘forgive and forget’. Well, forgiving an abusive person is possible with time
but your mind erasing the incident(s) in your memory is close to impossible.
Physical abuse and emotional torture in relationships is something
most people are aware of. There is another form of domestic violence called
financial abuse. When we talk of violence, we are talking about both men and
women. Women are not the only ones suffering in marriages and relationships.
Men also go through it. It is crucial that we make this aspect crystal clear,
that even women can be abusive.
What are the signs of financial abuse? Perhaps you have a
lover or better half who restricts your spending, yet money is not a problem.
The abuser might keep telling you how much you waste money even when you are
spending it on a worthwhile item or course including food and other basic
needs.
The other sign of financial abuse is identity theft. The
person you love takes advantage of your trust and uses your documents to
solicit money from different sources such as the bank. It is a disheartening
experience that no one should ever go through.
In Kenya where mobile lending ups are popular, your
significant other could use your credentials to acquire a loan without your
consent. I mean all he or she needs is your phone number and ID number and you
are in debt.
You deposit cash in your mobile account or someone sends you
money and you start getting messages of deductions. It is hard to believe that
someone you trust can do such a thing to you but it is possible. So you start
paying debts you never had because those mobile loan companies can be ruthless
with frequent warning messages.
Even when money is a problem in your relationship, a
financial abuser can still find ways to ‘torture’ you. For example, he or she
may sell your appliances or valuables more than one time and it is as if they
are not even sorry about it. One time is forgivable, but twice or thrice, that
is domestic violence.
No one should ever suffer any form of domestic violence be it
physical, emotional, of financial abuse. It may take some time to get of an
abusive relationship. However, with a willing heart, you can free yourself from
a financial abuser.
Nonetheless, matters of the heart are complicated. May be you
still love your partner and you are having a hard time leaving. It is possible
that the other person has a psychological problem that causes him or her to
strain you financially. You want to make things work.
Seek support from friends and family, or a see therapist to
determine whether you can help the person you love. If it does not work out,
then get out of that relationship. Otherwise, you may never be happy for rest
of your life because your partner restricts you in how much you spend or hurts
your finances in one way or another.
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